MAK-ING CHRIST-MAS! LA-LA-LAAAA!

(number two, the first one was deleted somehow)

As the holidays are upon us, I feel I can share some of my wrapping adventures.

Me: I found the cutest wrapping paper at Target last night. They really went all out. They have all the different color schemes, rather than one or the other. Natural tones, Traditional (bright red and green), jewel tones (the burgundy and emerald we like), black and white, and bright Danger Carrie Colors. I only bought one roll (crazy bright colors that says "Season's Greetings" Dr. Suss style) because I am waiting for it to go on sale. They actually have platinum metallic paper with a black velvet pattern on it! I KNOW! Two different shoppers were talking to me because I kept Ooohing and Ahhing out loud. Glitter, iridescent, shiny, sparkly, sheer... ribbons and present jewels! It is two isles of happiness!

Mom: Don't you ever wonder what they are thinking when they listen to you?

Me: No, I pretty much know what they are thinking:

Me: GASP! (picks up roll of paper turning it slightly to catch the light on the sparkly parts)
Them:(thinking) Wow, that coat looks warm and soft. She Certainly loves wrapping paper. I wish I were as tall as she is.

Me: SQUEE! (moves cart quickly to pick up textured roll and feel the texture)
Them: (thinking) Her hair is fabulous, it is in a braid and strands have been pulled loose by the old man hat she was wearing, and it still manages to look great. Also, the color is breathtaking.

Me: Sigh (contemplating gift tags)
Them:(thinking) She is so thoughtful when picking out wrapping paraphernalia, I bet she is even more thoughtful when picking out gifts. I wish I was special enough to get a present from her.

I brought all the gifts for my mother home and began to wrap... and wrap... and wrap. I managed to wrap five gifts eleven different ways. Sometimes this made sense, for example I wrapped each bottle of a grilling sauce set then placed it in a box and wrapped that box. Some did not make sense, I wrapped a CD, then put it in another box and wrapped that box.

After surveying my handiwork the next day, I realized I had unconsciously wrapped each present with a different color scheme. I used eleven different wrapping papers, curly ribbons, cloth ribbons, what would be considered "Notions," at a craft store, beads, charms, present jewels, garlands and... feathers.

Some time later, I figured one (or more) of the following must be true:

a) I have a wrapping disorder that will soon lead to me wrapping random household objects like my hair dryer or serving spoons.

b) I am the descendant of the Roman Goddess of Gift Wrap and Presents (what? they have one for door knobs, why not gift wrap?) whose name has been lost in the annals of time. Shortly, I will be approached by the Uber Secret Society of the Shiny Ribbon (USSSR, no relation) to lead them against the evil sect of Crumpled Infinitely Reused Tissue Paper, because they are unstoppable now that they have made an alliance with the order of One Roll Per Year. Our double sided tape of Valor will foil the tissue paper Sect, and our Scissors(that only cut paper) of Truth will tear through the camouflage of the identically wrapped Order! And then, the Ewoks will dance.

c) I have become a mad scientist of gift wrap and will be featured in the next superhero movie of the month as THE GIFT WRAPTOR where I will use my talents to make shiny beautiful deadly tricks and traps that the hero simply can't resist because they must know what is inside! The people of Metropogotham cityopolis will know the terror of the ribbon shredder of DOOM!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Ahem.


Knowing my uh, affliction I decided to not use paper for the salsa sampler I bought for my step-mother. So I bought a basket and filled it with the salsa, some tissue paper and a poinsettia, two jeweled pears, a pine cone, some berries, an apple, two different kinds of leaves, and a bronzed pomegranate. I put the basket in a clear bag and tied it with gold cloth ribbon and red velvet on one side, gold shiny on the other curly ribbon.

I did stop before it went too far... I hope.


Code of Morgagod, Rule 861: If the giftee declares the present too pretty to open, you have succeeded.